You heard me right! Come on down to CRAAAAZY Carl Lambert’s Xmas Tree lot where you cut your own tree FOR FREE! That is right, in fact, cut more trees if you want! They’re probably going to be cut down anyway so hack away you crazy maniacs and nevermind the people who planted such pretty trees in the first place!
“But Crazy Carl Lambert, how does it work?”
Its so easy, its like setting fire to abandoned houses in a poorly patrolled area responsible for by a fledgling major airport! All you do is drive your pickup into Carrollton under the cover of darkness, don’t forget to pack a chainsaw and plenty of gas, and find a tree worthy of your double-wide! Once you have found a spectacular 20 foot specimen planted by a former resident of the area, cut about half of it down! Of course, once you have realized that your living room might not exactly fit a 10 foot tree, be sure to start hacking away at the bottom stump and remaining branches! Leave the debris behind! Don’t forget to enjoy some off-roading through the most vacated areas on your way out!
Sarcasm. I has it.
Perhaps it was because it was on Christmas Eve, cutting through Carrollton on my way to some Christmas festivities that I noticed the first disgraced tree. This half-slaughtered conifer was on Manteca in front of a house I have heavily documented inside and out. There are many things about the superficiality of the holiday that pisses me off, but why this pissed me off so much is beyond even my own explanation. I am quite sure, however, there is no shame on the conscious of the half-dozen people who destroyed the area’s trees to use as decorations. In a week or two those same people will be back to drop off the used evergreens, complete with tinsel and a forgotten Spongebob ornament.